The Results are In!

…and they’re largely disappointing. Despite being forecast as the Democratic presidential nominee, Hillary came in third to the Muslim and Whitie McWhitiewhite. That’s a blow to the dyke, and I doubt we’ll be seeing any more blowjobs in the White House. On the other hand, there was some good news: Mike Huckabee, the Baptist minister, won the Republican bid. Fuckin a.

Mike HuckabeeAs you know, I don’t support the Republicans since they’re running a faux pro-life agenda. And, in stark contrast to their beliefs, I’m pro-abortion. But regardless, I’m willing to support Huckabee for a few reasons:

First, he’s a minister.  And he has a lot of sheep, apparently.  He wants to bring back this nation to Me, Jesus, and My Dad.  That’s pretty neat, too.  If he’s elected President, I’m pretty sure I’ll meet My goal in donations for the next four or so years.  That way My dad will stop bitching at Me for spending all of His money.

I also like him because, like Ted Haggard, he’s a meth smoking closet homosexual.  Just you guys haven’t found that out yet.  Don’t worry; it’s coming.

Last, I like him because he plays dirty.  Fuck that clean shit that Obama does; I want my politicians in the dirt, rolling around naked with their wangs all hanging out.  Cross that last part out.. I just went a bit far.  All I’m trying to say is I want some shit flying through the air.  That’s why My Dad and I put that nasty shit in the Bible.. makes it much more interesting.

So thank you, thank you, thank you sheep for coming out to the polls today and doing your best.  Sure, you failed by letting a brown person win, but My racist sheep will certainly not let that dirty Muslim win the presidential election.

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