If you hadn’t noticed, I haven’t made a post for a couple days. What happened was I had to see what all the hooplah was about, and I went to see The Golden Compass. For those of you who don’t know, it’s a movie by one of those fucking atheists, and he even said he made it to make children atheists. Well, shit, it worked: I was gone a couple days because the movie converted Me, Jesus Christ, to atheism.
Fortunately atheism entails inherent immorality, so I came back to Christianity (you know, praising Myself) after being in a drunken stupor for a couple days. And not only have I come back to restore My honorable standing as a subdeity, but also warn you about The Golden Compass and its atheist message.
The Golden Compass gets My vote for the worst movie of the year. It’s full of atheism, drinking, child pornography, and farting. Let Me explain.
See that girl over there on the right? She’s an atheist. And that little thing she’s looking into isn’t really a compass: it’s a locket full of pictures of Democrats having sex with aborted fetuses. Not that aborting fetuses is wrong, but I never said having sex with them is OK. Quite the opposite, really.
Then there’s drinking. OK, that one is OK. I did that a lot. And it’s fun. So scratch that one.
We’re down to farting. I’m not even sure that one was in the movie. It might have been Me since I ate a lot of chilly dogs before the movie. But I’m pretty sure the movie contributed to it, and especially the smell, so that still counts as a knock against it.
So don’t go see The Golden Compass or you’ll end up a farting, fetus fucking atheist for a couple days, and you’ll have to rebound to Christianity by incessant drinking. Not that that’s any different than any other Christian’s day, but it’s one hell of a come-down when the mind control of atheism wears off.
Damn compass o’ porn.