Well it’s that time of the year again: yes, when a few states decide who all of Jesusland will be voting for in the next election. Lesbian Clinton, Muslim Obama, and Caucasian Edwards is in the pot for the Democrats’ side; St. Michael Huckabee, Mormon Romney, and John McStiff are in the Republican pool. So who does Jesus endorse, you might wonder?
Hillary Clinton! Yes, that’s right: I’m endorsing the blond-haired dyke who’s the Democratic equivalent of ole Gee Dubbya. Why?
Well, first, I knocked out all of the Republicans. They’re pro-life, and I’ve repeatedly said that I’m actually pro-abortion. In fact, I think there needs to be more of them.
Then, Republicans are also pro-death penalty. I might be pro-gun and anti-brown people, but I’m actually anti-capital punishment. You’d think the fact that I was killed using capital punishment would give Republicans a good idea that I’m against it, but apparently not. Oh well.
So now that we’ve knocked out Republicans, why did I choose Hillary? Well, for a few reasons.
First, going back to the abortion issue, she sort of looks like an aborted fetus. Her piercing eyes, dyke hair, and discombobulated body; all signs of being an aborted fetus. That’s a plus.
If that wasn’t enough, I also like the fact that she’s a submissive whore who stayed with Bill Clinton after he got blown by a fat chick. Some would call that commitment; I call it knowing she won’t get anyone else considering her aborted fetus-like looks.
So if you’re lucky enough to live in Iowa, I fully expect all Democrats to vote for Hillary. And, if you’re unlucky enough to be a Republican, I would suggest voting for Romney since his religion says you should be able to fuck a bunch of 14 year old girls. That’s pretty sweet.