What’s So Bad About Global Warming?

One of the Democrats’ strongest messages is that you must save the Earth from supposedly impending destruction due to pollution, overuse of resources, and other retarded environmentalist jargon. If they don’t shut up, I’m going to stick My carbon footprint right up their asses.

Global WarmingSure, it’s true. I’ll give them that. The reason global warming exists is absolutely because of industrial pollution, cutting down rain forests, and factory farming. But, really, what’s so bad about global warming? REJOICE! The end is near! The quicker you end life on Earth, the quicker all of you can come up here and join Me and My Dad in Heaven. That’s right!

Don’t give into the organic revolution. You can either pay 50%+ more for healthy foods or else you can save that money and give it to your church on Sunday. Which is better? Giving to the church, of course! Fuck local farmers; we need more factory farms with cages barely large enough to hold the animals. They’re better off like that. Actually, they like it. Whenever you guys kill those animals with the stun guns or by boiling them alive, they come up here and tell Me how awesome it was. Truly.

Hell, just fuck the vegetables. Only poor people eat those, and that’s because they’re already down on their knees giving you blowjobs. So fuck them. Just drive around in your Hummers eating grade D meat fried in piss made out of transfat. That’s what My Dad and I wanted you to do. It’s in the Bible. Don’t believe Me? Look it up!

Peace be to all of you in the new year!

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