Church of Jesus Fucking Christ

When it comes to religion, there are many questions that go unanswered. For instance, My Dad hasn’t been very forthcoming with answers to question such as “Where did we come from?” “Why are we here?” and “Does bigger really mean better?” The answer to the last question is “yes,” by the way. And there’s an additional question that I hope everyone has considered:

The answer to this question is much less ambiguous: it’s an obvious “yes.”

Indeed, many people haven’t even realized that I have molested them at one time or another. Often times I’ll use one of you heathens as subjects in My “Molestation 101″ curriculum at the International Catholic Priests Seminary. But don’t worry, your participation doesn’t go unnoticed; there’s an open seat waiting for you in Heaven on My Dad’s right teste.

And if that doesn’t scream salvation, I don’t know what does.