Church of Jesus Fucking Christ

`Tis only fittin’ as an ex-buccanneer that I commemorate Talk Like a Buccanneer Tide. Fer this special tide I will share a story o’ th’ high seas wi’ ye.

Me heartys an’ I be loaded t’ th’ gunwhales off o’ our asses sailin’ in a big horkin’ circle since th’ world be flat an’ all. We didna want t’ go flyin’ off th’ horkin’ edge! Up ahead we be seein’ a big horkin’ boat. An’ I mean big. What a pretentious cocksuckin’ hork t’ get such a big ship!

We pull up t’ ‘t t’ be seein’ if he has any whores. Ye know, after a long time at sea, e’en Jesus Christ gets a wee horny, an’ havin’ yer salad tossed only goes so far. Aye! Anyway, we pull up an’ all we be seein’ be a bunch o’ horkin’ animals.

So a couple guys go on board an’ start gettin’ the’r grooves on wi’ dogs an’ horses. Then this fat hork named Noah comes ou’ an’ yells at us t’ get off o’ his horkin’ boat, an’ they be God`s creatures. I kindly told th’ lad’s who I be, but he didna b’lieve Me. Douchehorkingbag.

We got ou’ our cannons an’ shot a couple o’ his animals. We shot all o’ his dinosaurs an’ unicorns. Maybe e’en a dragon or two after we horked them. Ahoy, may I remind ye that we be loaded t’ th’ gunwhales an’ horny? Dasn’t judge us.

Noah, lily livered that his bilge rat would be bludgeoned, smartly steered away from us. Horkin’ pussy.

We tried t’ follow th’ lad’s fer awhile but we be too wasted t’ e’en pull down our britches before pissin’. So we stopped, got real horked up, an’ passed ou’.

Hope ye enjoyed th’ story an’ Talk Like a Buccanneer Tide.