Church of Jesus Fucking Christ

That’s right: there are even Christians that I can’t stand. And at the forefront are these fucking hippies who call themselves Christians while pushing the inherently evil liberal agenda. And the posterboy for these peace-loving jerkoffs is Tony Campolo, a supposedly evangelical, Baptist minister.

I took this picture as Tony was saying, “If I was a Republican like Jesus wanted me to be, my dick would be this huge.” OK, maybe he didn’t say that, but he did say: “I have three things I’d like to say today. First, while you were sleeping last night, 30,000 kids died of starvation or diseases related to malnutrition. Second, most of you don’t give a shit. What’s worse is that you’re more upset with the fact that I said shit than the fact that 30,000 kids died last night.”

Apparently this faggot-loving son of a bitch doesn’t subscribe to the FACT that all deaths are due to My Father’s will. So if He wants to kill 30,000 poor, brown children, so be it. In fact, I laugh at these kids. I bet they’re in Hell, even. After all, you have to be a rich, pretentious prick in order to get into Heaven. And that’s how it should be.

Seriously, these kids mean nothing. They breathe air that could otherwise be used by My abortion-hating, anti-evolution minions. They eat food that could go towards animals that My sheep would later hunt. And they don’t even have jobs. Lazy fucks.

And by the way, Tony, “shit” is a bad word. Stop saying it. I can say it because I’m Jesus Fucking Christ. Do as I say, not as I do. I’m pretty sure I said that in the Bible. Look it up, fucking hippie.