Church of Jesus Fucking Christ

It’s still hard to believe that some of my sheep think there weren’t dinosaurs, and that My Dad and I put the bones on here as a test of their faith. How fucking loony can you get? And then there’s the other sheep who correctly say that humanity and dinosaurs lives alongside each other. It’s a good thing these guys are so down-to-Earth, or otherwise we’d look really fucking retarded.

But there are people who still don’t believe in the Word of God. And that’s too bad, because buttsex with Satan probably doesn’t feel too good. And even worse, these people are denying the truth despite empirical evidence. In fact, here’s a picture of Me riding My dinosaur Cock. Well.. not My dinosaur cock, but My dinosaur named Cock. I’m also holding My pet gator named Peenee. He doesn’t like that name, though, as it makes him feel insecure about his tiny reptilian penis.

But, as you probably see, there are no longer any dinosaurs. Why? Well there are a couple reasons.

The first one is because I decided to try a little sexual test with them. As you all know, Christianity is incredibly anti-sex. This is due in part to My incessant infatuation with other people’s genitalias, and also because if I control sex, I control life. So I imposed a ban on dinosaur sex to see what would happen. Some say they weren’t surprised when all the dinosaurs died out, but I don’t believe them. It damn near blind-sided me. The Quakers later tried the same thing, and we see how that turned out: do you know any Quakers? Yeah, I thought you’d say “no.”

The second reason is because we ate many of them. And I don’t mean ate as in cunnilingus; that’s gross. I mean ate as in mastication and swallowing. Again, no genitals involved. Well except that time we ate dinosaur cock (not My dinosaur Cock, but dinosaur wiener) as an aphrodisiac. It works, trust me. I jizzed for damn near a week straight.

So, as a piece of advice, I don’t recommend eating dinosaur penis. But I guess you won’t have to worry about that.