Church of Jesus Fucking Christ

It’s unfortunate that most of My sheep seemingly can’t remember the third.. hmm.. second.. no.. fourth, maybe.. whatever.. the fucking commandment that says to keep holy the Sabbath. Instead, many Christians just go to church in the morning and then work later in the day. Or, God forbid, party! Where has our Sabbath gone?

Click here to download the Church of Jesus Fucking Christ Bulletin (PDF)

There’s a reason I put the Sabbath commandment in there: it’s not only to keep it holy and praise Me and My loin cloth, but also because you’re supposed to give Me your money. See, I sat down here with My priests and pastors to come up with ways to fundraise. After all, I’m pretty fucking broke. Caucasian Jesus needs some green. So keeping the Sabbath holy and requiring a tithe seemed like a good way to make some cash. Cheap, too!

Instead, all of you fucking Christians are only committing an hour or two out of the entire God damned day to Me. And only $50 or so. What the fuck, people? I’m the son of fucking God, for fuck’s sake. At least give enough to show Me that you mean it.

So quit being a motherfucking Jew and open your pockets a bit more and show Me you care.