Church of Jesus Fucking Christ

Yes, that’s right: your family is incestuous. A long time ago your dad slept with his grandmother, and out came his sonbrother. Or a daughtersister. Probably even a hermaphrodite or two. But regardless, your family is fucked up. And you can blame My Dad for that.

After all, the Bible sanctions incestuous relationships. And this isn’t alluding to the daughters who raped their drunk dad. Everyone knows that story. What I’m referring to goes back even further, to the start of the human race species hmm… humanity. I’m taking you back to Adam and Eve (who were white, by the way).

Cane and Abe had sex with their mother. And thus their children were their childsiblings. And then those childsiblings were further incestuous by fucking their momsiblings, grandmothersisters, and all sorts of nice sexy terms I can’t even reach my caucasian head around. It was an incestuous orgy of Biblical proportions.

And it was beautiful. I’ve since encouraged more of you sheep to continue in this incestuous tradition, but it seems only the southern Jesusland still likes it. That’s too bad, as the only way you can get closer to God is by getting closer to your family. If you know what I mean.

So at your next family reunion, be crazy and go for that hot cousin or aunt or, hell, your own dad. And if they act surprised, you whip out that Bible and explain to them that Caucasian Jesus said it was “a-OK by Him!” I’ll be there to back you up. Just ignore My camera.