Church of Jesus Fucking Christ

For this week’s Sabbath sermon, I’m going to broaden your exposure to other cultures. While literature is something mostly lost in Jesusland — and that’s how We want to keep it so you won’t actually read the Bible — I’d like to tell you, my sheep, about some of My recent writings. For the first time I’m going to let you in on some of My poetry, most of which are haiku.

My beautiful sheep
Bite me on my sweet nipple
Whispy cotton sex

I can feel your balls
Vibrating with great fervor
On my chiny chin chin

By the way, I forgot to include that often My poetry is absolutely not based on anything I have ever done or would do. No, really, it isn’t.

In this square box
What is the price of wisdom
Two for one special

Stuck in this wrapping
Posing is bad for posture
Buy me you cheap Jew

Oh, and none of my poetry is indicative of any of My thoughts or perspectives.

Out of special meth
Crick in my fucking neck
I look retarded

That whore bit me, bitch
I have a pube in my tooth
Pick it out with a thorn

I hope you enjoyed My poetry. But remember, I absolutely don’t think or do or think about doing any of these. Unless the poetry above is about sheep sex, making money off of Jews, or prostitutes. Then it might be influenced by a little bit of my life. But just a little, I swear.

I would also like to encourage you to share your own wonderful Christian poetry, good or bad (mine’s awesome, so you won’t be able to compete, but that’s OK).