Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are
Written October 23rd, 2007 by Caucasian Jesus 23 10 2007In response to that asshole FirstInLineForHell’s comment that My Dad is “hiding in the clouds” like a fairy, I’ve decided to rebut his pretentious assertion with an explanation for why He doesn’t reveal Himself often. In addition, I think it’s important for Me to include why there are so few sightings of Me, too.
We’ll start with Me. I’m an arrogant prick who basically just fucks with all of you. Know when you get shivers and the hairs on the back of your neck stands up? That’s Me jizzing all over you after masturbating to the deaths of kittens. If only you were privy to seeing My sweet purple drip all over your bodies.
But I do actually reveal myself to you more than you think. But I never come in dreams or even whisper in George Bush’s ear; instead, I like to reveal Myself in things that make you look real fuckin’ crazy like toast, shower curtains, and turds. Oh, and for you fat American slobs, potato chips.
My Dad reveals Himself, too, but certainly not as often. The reason this, as I told FirstInLineForHell, is because My Dad has an absolutely massive cock. This can make it a little difficult to, you know, go to the store or even reveal His image in just a small potato chip. It would just be a picture of a massive fuck stick, and you won’t realize that it’s actually God. So it’s kind of pointless.
Not to mention that another reason He doesn’t reveal Himself to you subservient fucks is because you would be infinitely jealous of His package. He’s already bogged down with you retards’ prayers for homeruns, money, and an occasional “world peace.” He doesn’t need you also trying to suck His wang, so He just keeps it to himself.
I can’t really blame Him. Can you?
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Aww that God…protecting us from the evils of
fellatioenvy over his massive wanger. I dofantasize aboutlove him. And his Fucking Son too. So…does that mean all those dildoes are actually…God? I’ll remember that the next time I’m shoving one upmy assa chick’s pussy. Tell me what it’s like in there, God. Tell me if the shrimp are still fresh. Send me a sign, my Fucking Lord!My son, you have obviously learned from Me well. Your responses are impressive, and warrant the bestowing of a bloody Eucharist.
While My Father is not the dildo itself, We do occasionally doom some choice retards to that very task. For instance, the dildo you stick up you and your girlfriend’s ass (it’s double-sided, yes?) is actually Hitler. That little tickle you experience at orgasm is him making a “sieg heil” salute.
The next time you orgasm from your bitch’s fist in your ass, I’ll send you a new sign. You just wait.