Ruling the Weak and Ignorant
Written November 10th, 2007 by Caucasian Jesus 10 11 2007My right-wing nutjobs have done a very good job of letting the world know that I support the War on Brown People. Oh, I mean the War on Poor People. No… wait… terror. That’s it! The reason I support it, aside from the fact that the victims are brown and poor and sitting on a wealth of oil, is because they’re inherently weak-minded. If you remember, I made them brown so you would know which ones are stupid and suffer so you can live a life of wealth.
Bush might be downright retarded, but since he’s white, he’s a-OK in My books. In fact, I call him one of My closest friends. I whisper things in his sweet ear every night. “Today you are strong. Tomorrow you are strongerer.” “Don’t let anyone misunderestimate you.” “If a brown person fools you, shame on you. If a brown person fools you again, shame on… well… just kill him.” It’s My advice that makes him a success.
But, truthfully, I have a lot of fun playing with him. Through him I get to do all kinds of neat things like spread HIV, injure children and make their families go into debt, and kill brown people, of course. You might think that’s too many hobbies, but I just think I’m a fun-loving guy.
So put down that Bible (you didn’t read it, anyway) and pick up a fun activity in the name of the Lord Me.
Subscribe in a reader
Hey Caucasian Jesus, is that Your high school graduation picture?
I never attended high school, you ignorant fuck. I became a pirate before that, remember?
The picture was actually taken at a homo convention. The apostles thought it would be funny to send Me into the convention, telling me it was a lawn and garden event and that I would meet a lot of “hot chicks.” Instead, the cocksuckers immediately put a pink shawl on Me and told me to “turn around and imagine [My] Dad just bought [Me] a pony.” So I remembered back to the time He bought me this beautiful pony that was, well, hung like a horse. I gave it a blow job, and its sperm tasted like grape jelly. That makes Me smile.
..and that’s when they took the pic.