Church of Jesus Fucking Christ

Despite often being the highest judge (along with My Dad), I like to watch you silly people to see how you determine justice. I would like to applaud the judicial efforts of Kenya in a recent case whereby they sent a man to prison for a year for stealing $0.80 from a church collection plate. This is great stuff not only because it serves justice to yet another brown person, but it’s even better since they were trying to steal from Me.

I would also like to applaud the Kenyan church for their efforts. After all, even getting 80 cents in a collection plate out of a horribly poor nation is awesome. And, even better, they’ve somehow persuaded these poor people to give money to the church, which is supposed to turn around and spend the money… on the poor. Of course the church will first appropriately take out the overhead of construction of beautiful churches, printing more Bibles that the illiterate, poor people can’t read anyway, and also the overhead of legal costs for pedophile priests in America. Money well spent!

But there are some who are defending this unlawful negro. They say that if the churches are being broken into often since they hold wine, provisions, and provide shelter, obviously those religious organizations are doing enough for the poor. Hogwash! My sheep need the wine to get drunk after dealing with those disgusting, smelly poor people. And they don’t want them sleeping in the church, either, because that’s My fucking house and I don’t want those smelly poor people in there, either. It’s bad enough I have Satan farting around outside of My churches, as it is.

So bravo, Kenya, for bringing justice to the poor of the area by sending them to a prison where they will probably eat better and sleep more soundly than had they not attempting stealing from Me. I’ll make sure the white people of your country will have a spot in Heaven.