Church of Jesus Fucking Christ

You know, it’s the day before My birthday, and what are you doing?  Praying to Me.  For shit.  Today has been a day filled with Christmas parties, and many of these dinners have started off with a retarded prayer.  Asking Me for shit.  Shit I haven’t given you the previous billion times you prayed for the same shit.  Wake up, people!

At the very least you could offer Me something like a virgin sacrifice, especially since it’s the day before My birthday.

But it seems that most people have forgotten what this day is all about.  Fortunately, Huckabee, a wonderful Republican candidate, knows exactly what it’s about: ME.  Remember the story, people?

Yeah, that’s right.  My naked, little self came out of My mom’s cooch.  It was cold as shit.  Fuck that desert shit; it gets cold at night.

So before you start praying for more bullshit like “world peace,” “prosperity,” or a Wii, stop and remember that the day is all about ME, ME, ME, and that means you should give Me all of your good shit.  In the name of the Lord, of course.