A lot of people think My Dad and I consider abortion immoral. They think so on grounds that the Ten or So Commandments say, “Thou shalt not kill” or some bullshit. But those people are sadly mistaken. In fact, I’m not sure how they can even rationalize that We are anti-abortion after all of the sadistic shit We do to you humans.
There’s the obvious problem of miscarriages. “Miscarriage” is a nice name for “Jesus-induced abortion.” Feel free to pass that around. If My Dad and I really wanted you to have little fucks running around screaming and crying, We would certainly perform less Jesus-induced abortions. Instead, We abort, oh, somewhere around 80% of all pregnancies, most of which you whores don’t even know about. We’re trying to prolong your hotness, but some of you whores are damn near prodigious with the amount of abuse your vaginas take. Jesus Fucking Christ.
Then there’s also the problem of the success of abortion clinics. You don’t exactly see abortion clinics spontaneously blow up or get struck by lightning or tornadoes. But oddly enough, We do let churches catch on fire quite easily. Figure that one out.
But, honestly, We really do like abortions; it gets rid of a lot of brown people. And all of us Christians, especially in the South, know that brown people are fucking drains on society. The more abortions they have, the less welfare is handed out by those fucking Democrats. And that means more money in my your my pocket.
Praise the Lord, hallelujah, give me $500!