Boning One for the Team

While My Dad and I are generally against sex, there are some times where We see it as permissible. Like with hot chicks. That’s always great. And girls with big tits. Also great. But ugly and fat girls should only be boned on a need-to basis, which is usually only to keep them away from the buffet long enough so the rest of the population can eat.

Jabba The HuttWe’ve all been there. You’re out with your friends, drunk, probably high on weed and/or ecstasy (you ugly guys better thank Me for that one), and all the hot girls have vaginas that could be mistaken for window curtains made out of roast beef. But in an act of self-preservation, you need something to fuck so you don’t get blue balls. And your only non-diseased option is to boink a fat chick.

Fortunately for the fat whores I have performed yet another miracle: I magically make the guy’s dick a few feet long to get past the fat rolls. I mean, c’mon, you’re taking a risk in the first place by placing your naked body in the way of two whale-sized legs, so I gave you guys a little credit in the form of a penis extension.

And for the record, My Dad and I don’t make fat chicks. No one is created that way. And it’s not their fault, either; Satan is pumping them full of evil jizz every night. Take a look at a fat person’s asshole; it’s riddled with horny, little demons. Don’t let those doctors tell you they’re STDs, either; believe the Bible for fuck’s sake.

So the next time you see some skinny ass cracker holding the hand of a fat bitch that could be easily mistaken for a manatee, stop and thank him for his sacrifice. In Jesus My name. Amen.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *